Everyone talks about stress and understands it’s bad for us, but far less people appear to know how to manage it in their life.
Two elements are fundamental to good stress management:
1. Being proactive in the areas over which you have influence.
2. Learning to let go of those over whom you have no control.
It can be tough to determine which variables you have influence over.
We tend to think of stress almost exclusively as events that press in on our lives from the outside, such as car accidents, unreasonable bosses or financial troubles. But, the majority of our stress in contemporary life is psychological in nature, In other words, it isn’t the events that cause us stress but how we respond to stress. The stress response is triggered by our perception of the situation.
Stressors are classified into two types:
1) Acute stresses: They are situational triggers that make us nervous. For example, when walking in your neighborhood on a pleasant day, a dog threatens to bite you and chases you up a tree to escape getting bitten. Your heart is pumping, you’re enraged, and you yell at the owner as he goes to get the dog that should have been on a leash. However, after a few minutes, you are less irritated and able to resume your walk. The anxiety rises swiftly and then falls.
2) Chronic stressors: A chronic stressor is one that lasts for an extended period of time. Chronic stressors can sometimes be naturally prolonged, such as when a loved one is critically ill and hospitalized for an extended length of time. However, most chronic stress is caused by our concern with a circumstance. For example, your employer yells at you because you missed a deadline. You know he’s a jerk, yet it still upsets you that he chose you above the rest of the group. The more you think about the scene, the more unhappy you become. The stress is now caused by your incapacity to let go of the incident rather than by the event itself. And this is what the vast majority of people believe.
Altering your reaction to unpleasant situations
Many counselors employ an approach known as the ABC method to assist patients battle mistaken ideas that cause unnecessary stress.
The “A” in the ABC technique stands for:
Adversity indicates a person, situation, or event (for example, your employer yelled at you). Adversity can take many forms, including a traffic bottleneck, a difficult relationship, financial difficulties, and so on.
The letters “B” stand for:
Belief – this is your belief about yourself, others or the circumstances (the boss doesn’t like you). The beliefs are how the adversity is interpreted. They are the automatic thoughts that go through our minds when adversity, or what we think to be an adversity, has happened to us. It isn’t the adversity itself, but it’s the perception of the threat or failure associated with them.
And “C” stands for:
Consequence or your reaction to the event (you feel you might be fired). At first glance it appears that A causes C (your boss yells at you and therefore you fear being fired). But, it is actually your beliefs and perceptions about A determine the outcome in C and create a lot of chronic stress.
So, how would you deal with stress in this situation?
Recognize automatic ideas or beliefs (the boss dislikes me) that occur when you are stressed.
Contrary evidence should be gathered to refute the automatic thoughts. Is the boss really out to get you, or was he just irritated that day? Assume the position of defense lawyer and attempt to refute your own incriminating beliefs.
Compare what is objectively accurate about the circumstance to your automatic thoughts.
Replace unrealistic, demanding assumptions with realistic, flexible assumptions.
It may not appear to be easy, but with effort, you may learn to manage pressures more effectively.
