Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.
There’s a strong connection between loving yourself and being able to direct resources in the world.
Self-love begins with recognizing your own being as worthy of regard, and of being cared for. That’s not ego, that’s just a fact: you are valuable because you exist. Self-love also involves directing compassion towards yourself and your quirky adaptations to the world, and accepting all of the parts of you.
An under-explored aspect of self-love is how it relates to power in the world.
Power is the ability to get things done, and to swing resources (yours and others’) towards accomplishing a particular goal. One can direct resources through persuasion or influence: by getting people interested in changing their habits, or their minds. It can be done through money, or through votes. Some power, or course, is dark power, such as manipulation, lying or violence.
Deep self-respect and self-love help us hold a powerful center, and help us make our dreams a reality or to advocate for justice or do what we are called to do.
Empower yourself
When self-respect, or self-love is present, you know and name your own preferences and desires. It’s not that you’re always putting yourself first; you also know when you have greater limits and capacities than other people, and when you can go that extra mile when others might flag. Your boundaries might be narrow, or immense and wide and all-encompassing, but you know what they are—so that when you approach overwhelm, you’re able to take the steps needed to take care of yourself, or let yourself be cared for.
It is a very important example of how self-love connects with power. Some people have this sense of expressing their “No” that goes something like this: it feels like they rapidly scribble the “no” on a piece of paper, then wad it up into a ball, duck behind a wall and throw the paper at the other person- while crouching down already expecting blowback (as if the no was a grenade!). But WHAT IF you just tell the person what’s going on? You say, “I can’t help you. I love you, but I can’t help you, I’m already over my skis, and I’ve got other priorities. Want a cup of tea?”
And if someone does belittle you, badger you, bully you, withdraw their love or give you blowback in response to your self-knowing decline of their request, that’s abusive: they are probably one of those energy-sucking people that you want to phase out of your life.
